My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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