We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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