who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Be still, my beating vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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