its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need to sanitize my soul.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
