Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
