we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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