my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
