I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
