Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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