Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
