I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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