dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
