Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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