We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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