Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Randomize
