saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize