She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You dont lie about slip and slides
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
