Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
