so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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