Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
