it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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