I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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