And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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