Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
