if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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