We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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