This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
