I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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