your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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