it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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