you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
