It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
