thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
