I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
