just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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