This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
