just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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