Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
