your parents love me but you hate me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
