Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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