TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
