morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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