And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
