Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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