i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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