So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
