Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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