thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
