I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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