so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
