Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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