i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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