are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I am morally bankrupt
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
