when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
