Taylor Swift is so right about you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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