i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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