I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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