that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
