I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
