So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
