Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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