I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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