i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize