Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
