i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
