I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
