it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
