I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
