You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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