It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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